You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
