atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
