We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
