ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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