The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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