i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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