That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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