My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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