So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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