My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
