my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
