last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize