I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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