so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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