First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
