im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Randomize
