just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
