i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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