It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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