I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
