you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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