i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
