jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
