...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
