you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize