well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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