please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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