I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i don't like sucking hair
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
