That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
