I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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