I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
