Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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