i'm signing you up for texting rehab
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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