literally had 100 drinks last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
