I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
