is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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