is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
