Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
