I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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