I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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