I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
