$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
