Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
