Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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