It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
