Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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