i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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