I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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