I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
