I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
