Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
