I am in a vortex of obligation.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
