he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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