I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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