My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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