Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
