I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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