she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm just crazy horny about you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
