im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize