A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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