sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
