so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
