I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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