All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
