All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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