just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
