my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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