Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
