I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
