Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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