I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just had sex on a roof
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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