he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
