Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
