Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
