I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
