okay pat passed out under dana's car
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
