I am in a vortex of obligation.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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