My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
