She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
