dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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