I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
