im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
