sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
