oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
