And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
