is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
