I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
