Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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