filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize