I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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