Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
