He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
