i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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