I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need to calm my uterus...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
