I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
