There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
