at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize