i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
